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Question: My 4th poem ever!.!.!.!.im 13 thanks for the feedback!?
this is my 4th poem!.!.!.!.!.so thanks for the help im only 13

Don’t Fall


please don’t fall
away from me
i need you like a bird
needs wings

i treat you like a friend
but see you as a lover
i don’t know how else to say it
i will love you like no other

stand tall, stand proud
and always stand your ground
im oh so happy when you say
i wont give up and i will not stray

you seem so strong
so valiant and free
but i just hope
its not only a scene

you trust and trust
everyone you meet
i truly hope
you wont be beat

i’ve stood beside you
all the way
but now i think
its time to say

please don’t fall
away from me
i need you so much
like you wont believeWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is gorgeous! However, I have one gripe with it!. When it says "But I just hope it's not only a scene!." it doesn't sound right!. It'd flow better if you switched just and only so it was "But I only hope it's not just a scene!."

But that's just my opinion :)

But the poem is lovely!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow this is good, im almost ur age, so i can kinda relate i guess!. u should make it a song!. i write songs!. and i love itWww@QuestionHome@Com

Nice!. I like it!. I just don't like the word "scene!." It doesn't seem to fit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

your stanza's aren't very good in relation to syllable structure!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is incredibly cute, really, good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Hello Dewars,
I love your poem!. It really expresses your deep feelings very well!. It's OK not to use capital letters but I think it would help a lot to punctuate your poem!. Using commas, periods, quotation marks etc!. makes our writing more clear and direct, avoiding possible confusion!.
I would recommend that you read a very interesting book on punctuation called "Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation" by Lynne Truss!. Even the title gives you the idea how the meaning of the title could be changed by omitting the comma between the word Eats and the word Shoots!. It's very likely to be in your public library!.
Good luck and keep on writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com