Position:Home>Poetry> May i please have some opinion on a poem i have written? 10 points to most const
Question: May i please have some opinion on a poem i have written!? 10 points to most constructive critic!.!?
Daisy, across the Broadway path
The girl with fame
In place of a heart
Singing out those small-town blues
Tied down to the past,
By buckle-up shoes
She would watch her stars
Each day and night
The walk of fame, her paradise
As the sun went down,
She lost disguise, un-zipped her top
Spread out her thighs
A snort of coke, a quick shoot up
Bubbles gone, she’s back on top
Time to grace her stage again
Oh, such a glamorous way
To pay the bills, greasy poles
And one night thrills
dreams of meeting speilberg,
of standing with monroe
lost, as she took off her kit
for those in the front row
She always wanted to be a star,
She was my star
She’s fallen now!.
please bare in mind i am only 13, and have missed this past year of schooling, so i am not sure if my patterns and grammar are fully correct!.
thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Your poem is wonderful, don't doubt yourself just because you're 13, you do just fine!. This sounds like it would do better translated into a song, but it is a very, very good poem!. Congratulations!. Don't ever stop writing!.
You don't have to worry about patterns or poetic formats as long as it's good!. If it's good, no one should care!.
You're about to receive the highest score I've ever given!. 97 out of 100!. If you don't agree, that's fine, it's just an opinion!. But, what good is literature without opinion!.
EDIT [Response: Lisa]: What!? She doesn't have to get help!. There is nothing wrong with this poem! Shes just not naive, so what!?!Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow that was really deep and i think that for 13 you should quit being around who ever your around or what ever it is that influnces you to write about such thingsWww@QuestionHome@Com
try this!.!.!.http://groups!.msn!.com/PoeticFreedom
join the group
I am actually deeply disturbed that at 13 you have these images in your mind!.!.!.please find someone to talk to, like a councilor or teacher!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Don't know much about poetry but I would change your 7th stanza to three lines to match the rest of the poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com