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Position:Home>Poetry> One last poem for today. Is it a good start.?Question: One last poem for today!. Is it a good start!.!? "bruised"
Framed with pure apathy, hung upon a crooked wall!. So old, I can't change, please, do not even try!. Drowning in your eyes, sinking slowly into each!. Reaching for your face, no such thing as a life!. I slipped through yyour cracks, my bruises now wounds!. Scared, you look inside, I am burning for you/ I have wasted time, where do I even begin!. Everything I ever owned, now belongs to others!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I think it's great, but I hope your continuing on with this poem b\c theres more you could add to it even just one more line to complete it!. I think the last line would read off better if you were to say "Everthing I ever owned now belongs to you" Just a suggestion but I thought what you've started is great!. Keep up the good work oh and if you want and you get a chance post your writing on this site www!.urbis!.com it's great for getting reviews from other writers as well but bare in mind there are afew @rseholes on there but 1\2 of them don't even know what theyre talking about!. I post up my writing on that site as well!. Anyways it's just another thought!. Cheers and thanks for the read, AmyWww@QuestionHome@Com wow this is pretty good! i would try ending with a more powerful last line though!. it doesnt seem like the end and with such a great poem, it should have a great last verse or line!. it is defietly great for a start and as a poet myself, this is pretty good for a first time!. keep writing and you will get so much better keep up the good work and hope this helped =]Www@QuestionHome@Com I like it!. Like the others said, a stronger ending might be needed to give the final touch to the poem!. Maybe everything i ever owned will never be mine again!. Idk, keep working on it, I really like it so far!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I don't like it!. Not necessarily the poem, but the emptiness it leaves within!. Help it change even if it hurts more than it has before!.Www@QuestionHome@Com great but to keep ryming istead of belongs to others put belongs upon othersWww@QuestionHome@Com OMG!.!.!.!.they are everywhere tonight my friend!.!.!.!.don't worry about it!. Just keep on writing, it is just as good as ever!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Each line is full of imagery! Yes, it is better than a good start, I thought it was finished!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |