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Position:Home>Poetry> A strange little poem that just popped out. Sad, does it work on any level.?Question: A strange little poem that just popped out!. Sad, does it work on any level!.!? "apocalypse"
There is nothing left children dying trying to rest in peace war equals strength!? Fire, wind and earth, a world of euphoria madness controls life a lie like no other!. Freezing, getting tired, endless nights morning dawn calm before the silence!. Music all night long, sadness never heard shadows and darkness just let me be!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It has potential, a good amount of potential, but it lacks many things!. One of them is emotion, your soul isn't put into the poem!. Another is feeling,its just bland words!. And in all it is very explanatory!. Tell the feelings of your poem without just stating them!. In all it needs work but don't give up on it! Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com Too generalized, too generic, vague musings of some kind or other!. Utterly forgettable, unoriginal!. You need imagery to bring writing alive!. Robert Creeley was one of the few poets who could pull off "a poem without images" but even he usually slipped one or two in!. (I'm not trying to be mean, just honest!. It really depends on whom you are writing for!. )Www@QuestionHome@Com With all the good lines not to be toyed with, some few lines seem a bit disconnected!. The poem of hopelessness seems to say, there is nothing right, because there is so much wrong!. A bit gloomy, but I like it!. It is simple and uncomplicated!. Will work without any changes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I SAY IT IS ON A VERY GOOD LEVEL HOWEVER, YOU SHOULLD PROBABLY WORK ON IT A LITTLE MORE FOR IT TO CREATE PICTURES IN THE READER'S MIND!. LOTS AND LOTS!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com I like it, sounds goodWww@QuestionHome@Com it needs a lot of work, it doesnt really flow yet, too staccatoWww@QuestionHome@Com |