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Question: Can somebody read my sonnet!?
I have to write a sonnet for English class, I was wondering what advice or ideas you have to make it better!. I would appreciate any honest, thoughtful, constructive feedback so I can make it better!. Any thoughts would be welcome and appreciated:
What stays unspoken speaks in magnitudes,
Their thoughts articulated can attest,
And so despite our separate attitudes,
I must articulate what thoughts speak best:
We compliment each other more than most,
As if you are the print and I the page,
You are the one that speaks and I the host,
My timid silence filled the words you wage!.
Though doubtless evidence proves interest,
I cannot muster words to bring an end,
With all conviction prove these thoughts exist,
To end my silence and name you my friend!.
But nothing here can be heard or said,
Until aloud this paper has been read!.
also, does this make sense!? Do you know what I'm trying to say/ what the poem talks about!? What do you think the poem means!? Thanks so much!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ok, first of all, a line break after each quatrain will really help with readability!.
And you need that, with all your big words and somewhat cryptic language!.
"You are the one that speaks and I the host,/My timid silence filled the words you wage!." to me, doesn't make much sense!. I'm not sure what you're trying to say there!.
I can tell what you're saying throughout the poem, though it takes a few read-throughs, which isn't necessarily a bad thing!.!.!. but people will be reading your poem through more than once if they want to understand it, so just know they'll be looking closely at it!.
You've got the iambic pentameter down I think, except for the second-to-last line!.
It's one syllable short!. "but NOthing HERE can BE heard OR said!."
That reads unnaturally, too - there's no reason to put BE or OR in the places of emphasis!. But if you read it so it flows naturally - "but NOthing here CAN be HEARD or SAID" - you're short an iamb!. and "thing here CAN" isn't technically an iamb, either!.
Personally, I think all poetry I find on answers can be improved!. Because if you have to ask a question about it, you haven't been deliberate!.
With poetry, everything you do - every word you choose, every metaphor you make - must contribute to the meaning or achieve an effect on the reader!.
Why is this poem a sonnet!? Because your teacher assigned you one!? If you start out saying, "I want to write a sonnet", you're fitting the poem to the form, rather than fitting the form to the poem!. This will inevitably weaken it!.
The poem still has some merit, don't scrap it, but I think it needs some more work!. Make the meaning clearer!.
I like the meaning, the sense of inherent affinity between the speaker and his subject!. That's why I'd like to see it brought out more!.
Next time you have to write a sonnet, think of a theme or topic that would be complemented by the format!. This one sort of works - the rhymed pairs emphasize the idea of affinity, of connection!. But I feel like the iambic pentameter is getting in your way!. That's just my impression!.
Keep working on it! Poetry is often abandoned too soon!. You have a good poem here - make it a great one!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is a good and tight poem!.
Your question at the end is the answer to your poem!.
Do we really get our thought across!. Translating feelings to sound to feelings again!. What is lost in the conversion!? The deeper ones have to be felt not spelled!.
So the one you compliment can almost read your mind!. Thats a good thing!.
That is what I got!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The sonnet talks about what goes unspoken, the power of silence, how what's not said is sometimes a greater measure of what one means to say than what comes out of ones lips!. I envision two people a perfect and direct complimentary opposition to each other, Yin and Yang if you will, so very different, but both needing the other to tell the entire story!. It's very good, the iambic pentameter is well done (I sat here and tapped it out as I went!.) I have no thoughts for improvement, it's concise and articulate!. Depending on the class I would be expecting a very good grade!.Www@QuestionHome@Com