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Question: Can you give me input on what i have so far!?
im kinda stuck!.!.!.but what do you think on what i have so far!?
On the bench by a tree
With the cool, breeze from the blistering sun
A gentle wind passed and
Something collided with my shoe,
I glance down, I see a letter
“To Whom It May Concern:”
The title seemed odd
As if they had let it float away on purpose!.
Should I open it!?
What if it doesn’t concern me…!?
“To Whom It May Concern:”
The edge of the paper was crumbled
And the shade of the paper was beige
It had a vintage look to it, as if it had gracefully drifted for years
And I read again
“To Whom It May Concern:’
Don’t you think its time to empty our minds!?
Half the time we are just faking the thoughts
No reason to when we don’t act on what we’ve been taught
And just close our eyes and become blindsWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You are working very hard to get us to relax!. The first wrong turn is at "Blistering Sun," which does not cause cool winds!. Next, I had a hard time with the container!. You should tell us straight away what has hit you on the foot!.
The good news; you have a very solid idea here!. It's OK to ramble and let us bump our heads, but you should have the theme do that, not the objects!. I'm a dunce, I need clear pictures so I don't get stuck!. TDWww@QuestionHome@Com
the bit about sitting on the bench etc!. is pretty lame, but the bit about minds and that extra bit you just wrote deffinatly had something going for it!. so i would drop the to whom it may concern stuff its really quite bad and stick to the more natural stuff which comes after i think its more genuine, if you know i mean!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
With the cool, breeze from the blistering sun
A gentle wind passed , you might change it I can't see a cool wind from a blistering sun !.!. no pun intended and yes to whom it may concern once would be enough , other then that !.!.!.nice descriptive form a few mistakes but you will grow out of it !.!. good luckWww@QuestionHome@Com
You repeated to whom it may concern one too many times!. the 1st time and the last were sufficient!. I like the wording though!.
especially like the 2nd stanzaWww@QuestionHome@Com
You've did a pretty good job so far!. But, delete some of the "To Whom It May Concerns!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
As a free verse it is a nice one!.It has charming meanings both hidden and apparent!. I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com