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Position:Home>Poetry> You may either fall in love with this or find it utterly rubbish..please commentQuestion: You may either fall in love with this or find it utterly rubbish!.!.please comment!? Are you the sweet dew droplets
in the butterfly kisses of my memories!? Are you the fantasy that seeps down the pores of wet sand into the valley of my dreams!? Are you the notes in pitter patters of honey dew drips on my glassy window panes !? Is that you who writes love letters in secret scripts of transitting cloud patterns!? Dont you melt as snowflakes, down my cheeks into autumn falls!? Is the starry trail of light i walk simply the paths you take!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Okay, I'm actually going to give you some constructive criticism to work with!. Sweet, but really cheesy and extremely cliche!. "Is that you who writes love letters in secret scripts of transitting cloud patterns!?" I really liked that!. Very original and expressive!. I think you really need to try to avoid the love poem cliches, like "valley of my dreams", butterfly kisses, honey dew!.!.!. I'm not even going to list all of them, I'm sure you get it!. Try to think of more original metaphors than that!. When those type of cliches are repeated throughout the poem, it just ends up sounding like something wrote for a middle school English class (unless this was for a middle school English class, in which case, not too shabby)!. One "t" in "transiting"!. A windowpane is not glassy!. The window is glassy!. Not the windowpane!. Or maybe you just have a very special windowpane made of glass instead of wood!. And even if you want to just describe the window, it would be redundant to call it "glassy"!.Www@QuestionHome@Com You have talent for imagery!. You need to continue to learn more about meter (rhythm) in poetry as well as using more graphic vocabulary!. Read some of the serious poetry by the published poets on this site!. You'll learn quite a bit!. Several of us are rooting for you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I like all but the second to last stanza!. Sorry, but I'm a meteorology major, and chronologically, it bothers me!. Other than that , it's really great, keep up the good work!Www@QuestionHome@Com As long as it's not crude and vulgar, I won't deem it rubbish!. In my opinion the poem is great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com The thoughts are sweet, keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I think it is beautiful and that you are talented!Www@QuestionHome@Com i think it is lovely it invokes beautiful imageryWww@QuestionHome@Com ya! its cuteWww@QuestionHome@Com i think i'm going to be sickWww@QuestionHome@Com Very nice, I felt it to be very calming!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |