Position:Home>Poetry> Another Finalized poem. I really like this one. What do you think.?
Question: Another Finalized poem!. I really like this one!. What do you think!.!?
"damned"
Blessed are we, who naturally bleed,
the sun and the moon, mock all my need!.
Searing rage, I live only for pain,
Hidden so deep and dark in my veins!.
No more dreams, only seasons of strife,
please no more, I don't want this damned life!.
I beg of you, can you not see,
cleanse me, annoint me, let me be free!.
I saw it down, deep in your eyes,
the dawn is over, no more of your lies!.
I feed off of you, live off your pride,
just like a leech along for the ride!.
The wind it howls, screaming my name,
when it just whispers, it drives me insane!.
I hear the souls suffer, I hear them die,
Resigned with remorse, I look to the sky!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The only thing I might do s move stanza 2 to the bottom and make it the last stanza, and give the whole thing a sense of finality with
No more dreams, only seasons of strife,
please no more, I don't want this damned life!.
I beg of you, can you not see,
cleanse me, anoint me, let me be free!.
Just an idea!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is amazing because it is expressive and questioning!? Question- second line would you say (at)!? Why would you say some are naturally born for pain and blessed because they are!? Or do I misinterpret!? Then 2nd!. v!. Rather than saying your are blessed, you are begging to be free!. I am stilling wondering with whom, what, and where in v!.3!. V!.4 shows much compassion! I still like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very dark and grim poem!. Did you really right that!? I think its good, dark, but good!. I don't know how to make it better, I think it is pretty finalized and pretty strong!.
Please tell me what you think of my poem:
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
I'd love to hear your suggestions/ feedback!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is very good, I think I agree with Dondi on the verse switch!. It would give it finality!. Very painful write, but worth getting it out of your soul!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
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