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Position:Home>Poetry> I slashed this poem in half, did I lose the meaning. Comments and Criticism pleaQuestion: I slashed this poem in half, did I lose the meaning!. Comments and Criticism please!.!? "want'
Take from me, all you desire!. Forsake all others, I crave your fire!. To have from you, one final kiss!. I'll leave this hell, utter bliss!. Purple flames, erupt, explode!. My very soul, I went and sold!. Forever now, I've lost your kiss!. I never bargained, no, not for this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I'd say you haven't lost anything, it seems quite complete as it is, the kiss you crave all the way to the kiss lost forever!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I like it!. I feel the emotions and visualize the meaning!. It is a dark rose in a beautiful vase'!. I don't recall seeing the longer poem, but this one does not seem to be missing any information!. It is easy reading, good rhythm, beautifully written!. Thanks! PS!. I wanted to add, whether intended or not, this is a beautiful love poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Very good - visuals clear - utter agony!. Somehow, I feel that if this poem was shown to the "object of desire" - something may happen to affect the "Forever now" on the 13th line!.;-) Kinda like "how could I refuse!?"Www@QuestionHome@Com I would keep the entire thing together!. It flows great and the meaning of it is something that can really touch your heart!. I think that if you break it apart then the reader would feel that they only got half the story!.Www@QuestionHome@Com You changed the rhyming pattern from rhyming couplets to alternate rhyming verses is all!. It also allowed you to have a stanza for each thought!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It sounds good to me! It depends on how much you want to say!. Your poetry is an expression of what You want to say!. Is this part of the story enough for you!?Www@QuestionHome@Com It is still lovely!. I remember the full poem, and It will still make your fans happy!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com if you want to improve your poem you might want to make the meaning less obvious that is what all the successful poets do hope this helpsWww@QuestionHome@Com Really good poem (ecspicially for a guy) Froggy!:DWww@QuestionHome@Com Very good poem!. I'm pretty impressed! I wish i was serious a that when i wrote poetry!. I love to mess with little kids poems, makes me feel childish again :DWww@QuestionHome@Com what ever you did to the poem i like it and very easy to understand !.!.that peom is one you can easliy rememberWww@QuestionHome@Com Its still excelent Steve!! I love it and yes it still holds the same wonderful meaning!! Great job,, xoxoWww@QuestionHome@Com I still see the meaning behind it!. It's very beautiful, by the wayWww@QuestionHome@Com It sounds goodWww@QuestionHome@Com pretty god poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com im not very good with poems sorry !.| | |__|Www@QuestionHome@Com |