Position:Home>Poetry> Contemplating matter: would you take the time to read this poem and offer an opi
Question: Contemplating matter: would you take the time to read this poem and offer an opinion!?
Contemplating matter
a myriad of light
a mind is like Picasso
no straight line guiding sight
of all the things imagined
through life and sight within
the dreams through daytime wander
like a longest walk in spring
the white of light, the black of shadow
between, a constant grey of conscience
untidy mind with lack of colour
a masquerade of knowledge
filtered sounds and sights unseen
frustration plays its hand
we bluff through our existence
and hope one day we'll understand
Why!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It is, without doubt, a perfect poem!. The metaphors link from one line to the next within the lines of Picasso!. It is beautiful!
I don't think you need the final "Why!?" because the entire poem provides answers and thoughts the play!. The 'Why!?" IMO weakens it!. Without the word, you are the master sprinkling seeds of knowledge that will bring about understanding as they grow -- "filtered sounds and sights unseen!.!.!. the entire section is amazing!.
I love the poem, oh Silver Tongue, and it is obvious where your name came from!.
TWww@QuestionHome@Com
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Did you write that yourself Silver!? Come on don't fool us nor yourself!!
I LOVE poems such as this that give rise to imagination and an abundance of different opinions that makes one think!.
You know what I think of this poem I think it tells us that what we dream, is not all the time remembered, truths are revealed but not all the time we believe them!. Our dreams are filled with imagination and creativity but when does reality coincide with what our dreams are telling us about reality!?
I mean one never knows!.!.to Christians dreams are said to be God's pathway to fill our minds with unveiling truth about our lives and the next!. Other people just believe that its just our self conscious playing mind games while we are in deep sleep but one believes what they wish about dreams!.
In any case this is a very good poem and I don't believe we are self conscience once deep sleep overtakes us, so what causes such imagination to arise!?
If you wrote this poem Silver I'd like to see more of it because I won't deny myself a good read :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Silver, this is certainly one of your better efforts and I loved it!.
I think though that for the person further up who found it pretentious should first understand what the poem is about before making a total ar*se of themselves for thinking it was about the artist Piccasso, very funny it made me laugh!!!
Keep up the good work!
Ps I agree with Tori dump the Why at the end it is not needed you say it all!.
lol TRWww@QuestionHome@Com
I am not big on poetry, but I like what you are saying with this!. Bluffing our way thru life sounds like the majority of people I have known!. Very few people know what they are talking about or truly understand it!.
Nice work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sounds great to me, lots of color and personal feelings went into it "dreams through daytime wander"!. Keep up the good work and keep a copy of it!. We bluff through our existence says alot ST!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like the subject and the arrangement!. It still needs some shaping though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I am not into poetry but that is lovely and thank you for sharing it with me!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!. c: Good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it very much! keep up the good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sorry, I don't think it's as good as the others appear to!.
I find it pretentious and shallow, and badly constructed with haphazard rhymes and slipshod rhythms!. "Picasso" is thrown in as an oversimplified idea - a bit of an insult really, both to the artist and the reader!. From the continuation, it looks as if you are saying the artist has an "untidy mind"!. There is a whole lot more to Picasso than a supposed example of mental confusion and "masquerade"!.
"myriad of light" is ungrammatical, as "myriad" can only refer to plurals!. It's as if you've said "a thousand light"!.
"A constant grey of conscience" is meaningless in this context - or do you mean "consciousness"!?
"Frustration plays its hand" sounds forced, as if only there for the rhyme!.
The basis of a convincing poem is there somewhere, but it needs a lot of work!.
Sorry, but you did ask for opinions, and if you want to reciprocate, you're welcome to check out my sonnet, posted yesterday!
Hey tudor rose, try reading my assessment properly before commenting on it!. I never said the poem was about Picasso (note spelling), but the name was used, so obviously it's an important guideline as to what the poem is claiming to be about!. Otherwise, why use it!?
Read my piece again and I might decide to reply to you in more detail!.
And don't call me an @rse, not until you've earned the right!.
I don't see too many of your poems on this site!.Www@QuestionHome@Com