I tryed hard on this. Tell me what you think?

Question: I tryed hard on this!. Tell me what you think!?

Tears falling like a waterfall
the face getting plae ever second
this is all because of you
that one night
replaying ints self
never a gap
always, night after night
even in day
when I see you
it comes replaying again
and on going movie
with no fee

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I'm still trying to find a finish line for this but please tell me what you think I tried hard on this one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

It is a nightmare I may never escape!.!. or something would finish it up nicely!. This is very intense and has a great deal of feeling in the words!. It would be good to fix the spelling mistakes, as that makes it harder to follow!. I would also say just "face getting paler every second" instead of "the face"!. Just my two cents!.!.!.it is very good!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

ermm, you were getting incoherent!.!.!.and redundant!.!.!.the 'on going movie with no fee' concept was really really great, like a phrase that when you keep on repeating, you feel this sad echo resounding it!.!.!.
just do a bit of tweaking around the spelling and make your subjects and objects clearer!.!.!.you're on your way to an awesome poem!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

you need to check your spelling!.!.!.but it is a good start!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

like blue sky in winters dayWww@QuestionHome@Com