I tell you,
There are meanings in words,
Deep, honest meanings!.
But lately,
I've just been trying to find them!.
What am I!?
An ignorant bull or a sacred flower!?
Because just lately I've been wondering!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
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Position:Home>Poetry> All you tender, loving people, please read my poem?Question: All you tender, loving people, please read my poem!? I tell you,
There are meanings in words, Deep, honest meanings!. But lately, I've just been trying to find them!. What am I!? An ignorant bull or a sacred flower!? Because just lately I've been wondering!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It's got potential, a fantastic thing for people determined to become good poets!. But, I feel like you're reaching and you're really close, but not quite there!. You should "stretch out" some of the concepts and try not to "pass" them too quickly!. Like, if you would normally write one sentence about a certain thing, try and write two or three instead!. But, I would not mind if you left it alone!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's all beautiful and very interesting!. It sounds like you had a definite idea of where you were going with it!. Probably one of the better ones I've ever read!. The last line I don't like so much though, you might want to edit that!. It sounds a bit too casual, it doesn't flow with the rest of the poem!. Yeah, I agree there is definitely room to expand! I'd say another two or three paragraphs would be nice, with sort of a conclusion if you could come up with one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com you have potential,as does the poem but you need to "stretch out" the concepts!. Keep going but good luck!. For the analysis of the poem: i tell you There are meaning in words, luscious true meaning, but lately they have been lost to me, What am i, what are you!? What are the meanings of us!? Lately i have been wondering!.!.!. Lately i have been lost!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Trying taking away "because just" in the last line, I read it without and it flowed better, I think it will open up the poem!. The phrase "Because just" closes it off and forces an ending, if that's not what you want!. The next stanza could expand on what you've been "wondering" about!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I doubt that you're "an ignorant bull" (Taurus!?) It's a deep poem!. Since the other option is a sacred flower!. !. !.maybe you need to be fertilized!. Buzz!. I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee!. !.!.!.!.!.!. (Just being playful : )Www@QuestionHome@Com an ignorant bull or sacred flower could be said a little different, but overall i think its coolWww@QuestionHome@Com :] i like there is room to expand thoughWww@QuestionHome@Com That's nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |