Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Do you like this poem? Comments?


Question: Do you like this poem!? Comments!?
While words remained unspoken
Two true loves stayed hidden
Neither had it been forbidden
Except that no questions asked
No answers given
He stood before her on a starry night
And a falling star dipped north out of sight
Nothing should stop his wish from coming to pass
With her teary eyes confirming he could ask
Just in time, heaven made him catch her there
But the devil brought him an inhibitive illusion of fear
And it was not even that he was too proud
But he would hate to tell a friend the wrong word

So while words remained unspoken
Time waltzed to the tooting of her train
And she shifted uneasily once again
But tantamount to nudging him or asking “when!?”
Still the big man who lost it could not find heart
Even while so sadly they would soon have to part
When even then he held the perfect solution
All in the simple act of asking one question
When she beckoned him into the final embrace
She could feel how hard his rock-solid heart did race
But the south bound train would soon be leaving
On that god-forsaken evening
Good fortune in essence was to be tied to bravery
If he would not betray together and eternity
For one foolish moment of uncertainty

But, while words remained unspoken
Sweet spirits failed
And desperate hearts did leap
On the last option to hitting the trail
And create forever to keep
That above all her deep desires
Two best friends would turn to lovers
But each time he spoke she felt insulted
By every word he left unsaid
Five long years she waited
And now not even as belated
On the absolute final stand
Saying goodbye at the railway station

While words remained unspoken
He never liked a forward woman
Nor would she become one
So filled with sad tears and emotions
She retrieved her last desperate show of devotion
Pulling away from his big useless palms
That he succumbed to feeling the pain
On account of a woman who waited in vain
Peering disbelievingly into his eyes
But not even then did he realize
How easy it was to ask the simple question
God and providence had given him so long
That only he knew why and how
She whispered hoarsely “I am going now”Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
its very good!. =DD

try matching the rhythm or amount of syllables!. just a suggestionWww@QuestionHome@Com

Great
The meters are varied
most readers eyes gloss over when poems are long
You have several good poems to develop,
Your thoughts can be organized into several good poems or sonnets!.
If you have a great line 'I am going now"
It may make a great beginning or ending of each stanza selectedWww@QuestionHome@Com

i luved it it made made me wanna keep on reading lots of emotion in it keep writing and put more of ur poems on here i would luv to read them =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

really good!. a little muddled!.
maybe net it down a bit!?Www@QuestionHome@Com