Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Some feedback on this poem?


Question: Some feedback on this poem!?
Please tell me anything that comes to your mind!.!.!.

What will you be, little boy!?
What’ll you grow up to see!?
Will your father be deployed
Across the endless sea!?

Will you make your old man proud!?
Or will you make him suffer!?
Because if you do not succeed
You may end up with a little brother!.

In his torn life there’s only you:
You’re his everything, you see!.
When he starts to veer off track,
You’re his stability!.

And when his unit goes abroad
He always takes your picture,
Placed between the frail pages
Of his copy of the Scripture!.

And if you wake and see the Moon,
Glowing in the night,
Think of him, for he loves you!.
For your future, he continues to fight!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The poem is perfect!. I'm not saying it's the best poem I've ever read, it's just that I can't see anything you need to change!. It's got an extremely emotional meaning!. It's not too overt and not too subtle!. What I get from it is that you love your dad as much as you can, and you want to make him proud!. So, your afraid to fail because you'll feel guilty because he's working so hard to keep you safe in the army!. But, the way you describe him, I think he'll be quite accepting of almost whatever you become!. Very well done and good luck!. Don't doubt yourself!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

A father who does it all for his child needs to know that the child has his heart in order to keep him in check!. At least that sounds to be what that little man of the poem thinks!. It was well done!. I think that is your poem!. Cannot see anything fundamentally wrong!. Nice job!.
Peace!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sounds pretty good to me, but if it's supposed to have a meaning to it, i don't know what it is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very good I loved it!! I think those questions are always asked every day because mothers & fathers always want to know what there kids will grow up as!. Great Job!!!:)Www@QuestionHome@Com