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Question: Lovely story poetry !.!.!.or not so lovely!?
Came here long back
as a fallen starlet
Caught you smiling
ever so sweet
In a cradle of spring flowers

I knew I was in love
when one autumn night
amidst ruffling leaves
we made sweet love together
In the calming balm
of streaming moonlight

Woken up by the morns
cheerful delights
To a dreary nightmare
abandoned,loveless
Just me and the shack

I felt for your golden hair
In the yellow of blossoming flowers
Looked for your footsteps
On the beachsands
In faint songs of the wind
for your voice,I failed

Back to the galaxies i flew
Fixing myself at a lonely spot
As a dim tainted star
Staring down
Seeing the blue of your eyes
In the earth below

I still fall back upon earths bosom
On autumn nights
To breath in the scent of my dreams
That still linger here
Like fresh showers on sandWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I really like the 4th stanza!. The 5th is ok also, and the two work pretty well together!. However, I think they're wasted on this piece!. The overall story is just a little too hackneyed!.

I would like to see a poem that starts with stanza 4 (perhaps excluding "I failed"), goes on in a similar vein for a few stanzas, and concludes with stanza 5, only in future tense instead of past!. It would be powerful & melancholy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's quite flowery, and bubbly but that very well is what you must have intended!. You paint some nice pictures like the "scent of your dreams lingering like fresh showers on sand!." I like the image that creates!. Rain gives us the sense of cleansing and becoming new, which must be the desire of your imagination and dreams!. It's not bad!. Maybe a little cliche, but hey, I do it all the time!Www@QuestionHome@Com

The latter!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its alrightWww@QuestionHome@Com