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Question: Critique for my poem!?
I would like real criticism, too, not just "I hate it", or, "That sucks"!. Thank you!
That fluttery feeling
In the pit of your stomach,
What is it!?
Oi! That's lovin'!
But I don't like anyone!
That nervous feeling
You get around someone,
What is it!?
Oi! That's lovin!
I said I don't like anyone!
That red flush you get
When you glance at someone, fast,
What is it!?
Oi! That's lovin'!
But I said I don't like someone!.!.!.
That moment you question,
Could I like him!?
What is it!?
Oi! That's lovin'!
I already know that!
Maybe I like someone!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Its cute, but the refrain became too much!. Maybe just at the beginning and end!. Try it and see!. This also lends itself to laying out with no stanza breaks!. It has merit, spend some time and trying to restate in different ways!. It's something I do as I lay out ideas!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
at the end, you say "Oi! That's lovin'! I already know that! Maybe I like someone"!. during the whole poem, except the end, the lines switch off from person to person!. add in a line in between "I already know that!" and "Maybe I like someone" 2 make the poem more consistantWww@QuestionHome@Com
Sounds like your physical attractions and your "do I love" reasoning power are in conflict!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
YOU CAPTURED THE HOPES & FEELINGS OF NEW LOVE!. I CAN PICTURE YOUR POEM AS A LYRIC FOR SOMEONE TO GRAB ONTO & SING!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very good, My secert love!Www@QuestionHome@Com