Dark Prince Rewrite Love poem. Is it tighter.?

Question: Dark Prince Rewrite Love poem!. Is it tighter!.!?

"promise me 2"

Standing next to me,
no one else can see!.
People with desire,
one heart beats with fire!.

My heart just for you,
depths we'll reach, no clue!.
Embrace me, kiss me,
lie down, can you see!?

We make love, we're one,
time on earth, I'm done!.
Our love pure like rain,,
love tastes just the same!.

Yours to hold, my heart,
love we have, a start!.
Promise, in my ear,
making love each year!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Hm!.!.!.!.Interesting!. It's a very beautiful poem!.
-You should rephrase line three and four though, maybe!? I think I might understand what you're trying to say!.!.!.but I believe that you should make it a bit more obvious!. =/
-Line eleven!.!.!.you should put a little "-" in between love and pure so that people will pause there!. I think that that would give it a bit more meaning and emphasis!.

But, I love your poem!! :]
My opinion!. =/Www@QuestionHome@Com

I shouldn't even answer this question because I don't think I have read it before to talk about the rewrite!. However, I wanted to comment!. You certainly have a way with words, descriptive words!. You have thoughts uniquely yours that so few people would see, feel, and touch!. Even I had to read the poem several times to absorb it!. I stand in awe!. PS Don't change line 11!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it is a lovely love poem!. Flows well, we feel the heart beats of fire, the pure rain!. and the love between the two!. It is good!. Thanks you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

LIKED IT - a wonderful picture of bliss ;-) I had it for a time long ago - and I still remember it - but not as often now!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Beautiful! Just absolutely beautiful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com