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Position:Home>Poetry> A rewrite I think kills the original. whats your opinion.?Question: A rewrite I think kills the original!. whats your opinion!.!? "why mom!?"
Blood always comes, my only friend!. Pain I feel, deep, dark, intense!. I deserve this for every tear!. Every little slice, each ugly burn!. Life so lonely, quiet and cold!. So long ago, bought and sold!. Nickels and dimes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Yeah Steve, I think you took out a bit too much to keep the true feeling in it!. Sorry!. It is still a start, but needs to continue!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Poetry is very much a craft and so the poet examines the product very carefully!. The poet loves language, loves words!. The poet picks up each word and turns it round and round like a jigsaw piece, turns it over in the hand and finally sees where it fits best!. The poet rings the word and listens to the sound it makes, tastes the word in the mouth and sees its colour!. The greatest poets, even those who seem to be very offhand, were forever polishing their work!. So no, you need not be afraid of the re-write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's your poem!. You know what it should sound like and what you are trying to communicate!. If you aren't getting the reaction you expected, try putting it away for a little while, then come back and read it in a month or so!. You may want to change something at that time!. but maybe not!.Www@QuestionHome@Com In general rewrites fine tune!. Your poem is good though the last line seems flippant!. The previous 3 lines rhyme but nothing else does!. Is that what you want or did it just bleed that way!? Just some thoughts about it!. I like it a lot!. But I would redo the last line!. But that may be just me!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com "Mom" is the word that hurts the most!. The person that has the power of nurturing sometimes uses it in torturing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |