Position:Home>Poetry> Some will recognize this, but it is very different now. Comments and Criticism p
Question: Some will recognize this, but it is very different now!. Comments and Criticism please!.!?
"pity"
The nor'easter blasts across, the frosted terrain,
sand blasted clean, the cold becomes insane!.
The dark I feel is awful, crushing on my heart,
misery is all I've got, whats left, how can I start!?
How many times I look and see,
the waste of youth and all that i should be!.
Twisted and it's broken, still I sneak a peek,
life as black as sin, redemption still i seek!.
I don't need your looks, or your worthless pity,
take a tiny look, there's no more left to see!.
I swear I'll take my life back, from his evil grip,
even now it weakens, his hold begins to slip!.
You can't doubt my love, don't you even dare!.
my California angel, hair and skin so fair!.
This angel is the only one, never doubted love,
ardor beyond question, A gift from God above!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
No pity for this one, it's good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
And it continues! Write on Steve, write on! Love the last verse, Powerful, bold, strong ending!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
thats beautifulWww@QuestionHome@Com
Again, you are telling your stories!. Part of it is poetry, part is the story!. You are expressive!. They are good, but you can make them better by looking at them as if you were reading them from another person's point of view!. I think you like flowing rhymes as some of us do!.There are rhyming books that might help you!. Steve be cruel to your work and do more critiquing yourself!. Continue working with any lines that you are not satisfied with, and when you just can't get it together, tell us which line or lines it is, and we might be able to help you more that way!.Www@QuestionHome@Com