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Question: Something different for me!. Comments and critiques please!.!?
"the end times"
Burning up of embers,
deeply down inside!.
They will keep us warm,
til the ashes die!.
Your soul in the Winter,
calls out to my own!.
Together we'll be frozen,
as the embers lie!.
Broke up and icy splintered,
holding each so tight!.
Icy cold and pitch black,
until the end of time!.
My soul is slowly leaking,
as the years go by!.
I'm cold and dark and weary,
time the biggest lie!.
I will keep you safe,
forever entertwined!.
We'll stay warm and sheltered,
as time ticks by and by!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Very nice!. Very sad, but not dark!. The sequence is good on this one!. "My soul is slowly leaking" is my favorite!. It shows the powerful loss of everything before and after that point in the speakers life!. As the time ticks away, the heart, the body, the life, the soul leaks!.!.!.great image!. Thank you Steve!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
What are your thoughts on this!? If you start a poem or such with rhyme, I think rhyming is more interesting to keep it flowing unless however, you have a very special line that you feel you cannot omit!. Then for the sake of your poetry, it must be placed just so!. Sometimes, we have to re-write and re-write or omit some things we like!. I would also rearrange two verses!.
Forever
Burning embers
laying deeply inside,
will keep us warm
til the ashes die!.
Your soul in winter
calls out to mine!.
Together we're frozen
in eternity's time!.
Slowly my soul leaks
as the years go by!.
I'm cold and weary,
time the biggest lie!.
Broken and ice splintered
holding each tightly so!.
Icy cold and pitch black
Til the end comes slow!.
Safe are your memories,
forever intertwined!.
Honored and sheltered,
fast within my mind!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
LIKED IT - What a beautiful picture - to have a loved companion who will stand beside you and comfort you - as you age!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That was an amazing poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow, that was good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it :)Www@QuestionHome@Com