The lad fancies himself a poet?..:)?

Question: The lad fancies himself a poet!?!.!.:)!?

I hear the whispering pine!.
The babbling brooks!.
I hear the low growl of a Griz,
and the turning yellow pages of old books!.
Sometimes late at night,
when I'm all alone!.
I hear the roar of the primeval ocean,
calling me home!!.!.:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

It's "okay", but "babbling brooks" is a cliche, as is "whispering pine"!. You could also improve it by calling the bear a "Grizzly" instead of just a "Griz"!.!.!.the aliteration still works and the bear doesn't sound too familiar!. The "turning yellow pages" line needs work!.!.!.!."who" is turning the pages, you or the Griz!? If it's you, you might want to say, "and the sound of my turning the yellow pages of an old book"!. Finally, "primeval" is old, but "primordial" is even older!.!.!.the first means "amongst the earliest things, the second means "the first thing"!.!.!.either will work, just wanted to offer up an alternative word for you to consider!.

!.!.!.keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com

its very good!.

and the turning yellow pages of old books!.!.!.!.but maybe write it as yellow pages of old books turning!.!.!.think it would flow better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com