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Question: Check out my new poem what do you think !?
Dreams of Bliss
The little bird upon my shoulder
Feathers of yellow and blue
A little bird from something warmer
Whispered this honestly true
"I know of places greater than this"
Said he with a grin and koo
Mouth smiling, mind in a sea of bliss
"Good", said he, leave at Morn's dew
Some say I'm foolish, crazy or daft
"Strange, I'm as sound as can be"
The bird whispers, "I sense an ill draft
Leave now, go, it's time to flee"
We journey the Hilltops, far and near
Along with the Deserts and sands
And in the Winds I begin to hear
Calls of crying distant Lands
Sunsets shine in fantastic delight
Over the bright, rolling Plain
The moon reflects in waters of Night
On the Sea of water's reign
"I wish to give thanks, my vibrant friend"
Under the whispers I spoke
"Your welcome", bowed he, koo and a bend
We parted ways, when dreams brokeWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I love this! Flows well, great grammar!. You're obviously talented!. Hey, if you want real reveiws you should get an account on writing!.com- people will read and rate your poetry, and send you reviews!.!.!.&& it's free! Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Yellow Bird
A yellow bird
With a yellow bill
Was sitting on
My windowsill
(x2)
I lured him in
With a piece of bread
And then I smashed
His little head
(x2)
A little puppy
A baby dog
Was sitting on
My table saw
(x2)
I picked him up
Like a piece of meat
And than I cut
Off all his feet
(x2)
A little kitten
A baby cat
Was sitting on
My welcome mat
(x2)
I picked him up
And made him purr
And then a ripped
Out all his fur
(x2)
A little mouse
With little feet
Was sitting on
My toilet seat
(x2)
I pushed him in
And flushed him down
And then I watched
Him spin around
(x2)
U!.S!. Army Marching Cadence
Yours is great though, it just brought this to mind!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'm confused as to what you are really writing about!?!? I would not use quotation marks or capitalization throughout your verses!.!.!. it will throw people off, as it did myself!. And koo is spelled, coo, pertaining to a bird!.
Good luck with your finished product!.
JosieWww@QuestionHome@Com
I think you will find that birds "coo" rather than koo!. (doves certainly do coo) :-)
Apart from that!.!.!.!.!.enjoy the praise you are getting here, you deserve it!. Fine work!. There are a lot of great 16 year old poets posting their works in YA!. A great sign for the future of poetry! Write on Dude!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not bad at all!. Actually, pretty damn good!. Keep up the good work!. The more you do, the better you'll get at it!. It's lively and interesting, and while it could use some minor editing, it wouldn't need much!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it, but I have a feeling there's more!. What happened after you woke up!? Was this a dream!? Who is the bird!? What exactly is the significance of the journey!? An escape!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
this is honesty beautiful!.
if you have more, submit them to like the newspaper or something!.
you never know what could happen!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think that that's pretty cool!. I like it!. It's very!.!. um!.!.!. inspiering!. Keep writing!. You could be famous someday!. Stay Positive! PeaceWww@QuestionHome@Com
You are very fluid!. You are very gifted!. Keep working on your writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its really good!.Im gonna call u when we have poetry homework(lol)
But seriously this is really good!.Do u have moreWww@QuestionHome@Com
niceWww@QuestionHome@Com
Man your poem is greatWww@QuestionHome@Com
Love it!. You have a talent in writing poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!. It makes me want to run away haha!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Love it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think its really good you should publish itWww@QuestionHome@Com
Great job I like it!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
very nice
peaceWww@QuestionHome@Com
I loved it!.!.!.
specially the first part ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com
its really good, good jobWww@QuestionHome@Com
its amazing!! i agree with alot of the good feedback!!keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's okay!. Some of it really makes no sense, but in poetry that's okay :) I like it!. 8/10Www@QuestionHome@Com