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Question: Do you like this love poem!?
Goodbye To You
i saw the many rivers of tears flood the holllow spaces of sorrow on my frown!.
and how empty the gray skies look illuminating a path i forgot exsisted
so how long must i prolong this satire carcass that you rendered as a symbol of your love!.!?
and how long must i lie to myself as i lie holding my heart by my side in exchange for my breath
Can't you see how i'd cross the seven seas just to hold the key to my heart once again!?
isn't it the least i can claim after climbing a spiral staircase of lies and deceit and the occasional placebo !.!.
or is it too much to ask to hold me close and deliver the sun and the moon at my feet!.!.under the breath of you soft whisper
promising a forever in eternity!.!.!.
if only what you professed was as valid and real as the drone of solitude screaming in my ear!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Very good, full of imagery!. Just a little fine tweeking though!. I don't want to tell you to shorten it, by no means take away from it, its beautiful!. Just condense, don't use four words when two will work!. Its very beautiful though, you may want to post it on poetry!.com!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's really good!!:) Keep writing I would love to read more of your love poems!Www@QuestionHome@Com
its a little confusing, but nice!. still needs a little bit of work!. try to make it a little more simpleWww@QuestionHome@Com
not really, I like poems that are shortWww@QuestionHome@Com
It was kinda good!.!.!.alrightWww@QuestionHome@Com
Omg I loved it your so good!. Did you take a class!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I used to be a poetry editor for a major poetry journal and they instructed us to always be positive when reviewing others work and offer constructive criticism!. Well here goes;
Where the stanza breaks, where is the meter!? All that I can see is the ramblings of teenage angst combined with misspellings and poor sentence structure along with bad grammer!. Honey, did you not recieve an education when you went to school!. The premise is there but you have taken poetic license to an uinheardof extreme, I am sorry but I do not like your poem better luck next time!.Www@QuestionHome@Com