Just another question asking somebody else’s opinion?

Question: Just another question asking somebody else’s opinion!?

That mascara is proof!.
Of a life took in vain
Absolutely nothing but
Black drops of pain

The screams of silence
Horribly spoken
Darkness takes over
The devil was woken

The long late nights
Of a pillow drenched black
The freighting memories
Forgetting, never looking back

The welcoming corner
Is a sure sign of pain
A once great life
Taken over by vain!.!.

suggestions !?
anything I missed while editing !?
your thoughts !?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

WOW! extremely vivid and very "Gothic-like"
I like it, but I'd make a couple minor edits:

instead of: of a life took in vain
change to: of life taken in vain

comma between: "nothing" and "but"
fright(en)ing memories

instead of: Taken over by vain
change to: Taken over in vain

other than that, I think it's great!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I totally understood it and thought it was amazing!. Nice job and I wouldn't change anything!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

COOL!

You need a title!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I wouldn't change any thing on it!.
I like it just the way you wrote it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

nice poetry just that a li'l too difficult to understand!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that was awesome! i loved it!!Www@QuestionHome@Com