Could you please critique the hell out of my poem "awake"?

Question: Could you please critique the hell out of my poem "awake"!?

----------------------------------------!.!.!.
awake

you
touch the warmdark
grain of your doors
you think they will yield
warmth

they are cool to the touch
the feeling is the yield of good
cutting and finishing

in the open
casket the dead body will
look warm
if the artisan yields
to teachings of craft

caskets no more
reveal their grain

why
shouldn't the cold body look cold

(c) 2008 by Patrick B!. RobbinsWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

That was excelent!. Really beautiful!.
I personally would take out the word "dead" in line 10 as it's a little redundant, and to me makes the tone not quite as serious!. In this context it's apparent that you are speaking about death (you mentioned the casket) and you (very elegantly) establish this early on in the poem with your imagery!. I was a little confused by the line "grain of your doors" because it's difficult to establish who the doors belong to!. I love the repetition of the word "warmth!." However, you might want to add some punctuation after "doors" in the second line, and maybe after warmth in the 6th!. The way I interpreted this was that the person was so convinced they would be warm that they described them as such, but then as an afterthought reveal that they have not yet been touched!. Punctuation would help develop this as an afterthought!.

"why
shouldn't the cold body look cold" great line!. Love the ambiguity as to whether it is "why shouldn't" or "why!. Shouldn't!.!.!."Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is quite good!. I myself, write poetry from time to time!. One thing that stuck out was the rythme!. For some reason, it didnt flow so well with me!. Might just be the way im reading it!.
Other than that, i have nothing more to critize!. Its good!.

Would love to see more of your work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is very good!. I was in the death business for a year!.Www@QuestionHome@Com