Do you like my little story?

Question: Do you like my little story!?

*****
Untitled XXI
by TD Euwaite

“Get up my good man, get up!.
The wolf is about and
the flock’s run amuck!.”

Startled, I step from my bed with a jolt
with cold clammy hands,
dry—arid, parched throat!.

“Who’s voices are these!?” I beg to the air!.
“Who’s with me, I say!? Who’s calling!? Who’s there!!?!”

I move to the mirror to see me reflected!.
I sit in my chair, calm and collected!.

I know what I heard, I’m sure of it,
There’s ghosts in my lair,
Phantoms in the air,
…and gray specters walking the parapet!.

*****Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Is this your version of The Silence of the Lambs, with you as Clarice!?

"Wolf," "flock," "lair," "parapet" could all be literal or figurative!. But "my good man" and "I say" have a more British country gentry feeling, so the poem seems to lie in between the literal (more of a farming or even medieval life) and figurative, a sort of gradient/gray area that matches the speaker's confusion and the problem of concrete reality vs!. "metaphysical" reality!.

I like "me reflected" rather than "myself reflected!." I know you probably used "me" for the sake of the meter, but it really adds meaning, too!. When one reflects on oneself or emphasizes the self, then the reflexive pronoun "myself" is used, so identity is reinforced through subjectivity!. The "I" knows who he is, knows his place in space and time, and so knows where "myself" is; he doesn't make himself an object, a "me" that is more divided from his identity or at least put in a more passive relation to reality!.

I also like the echo of "peripatetic" in "walking the parapet!."

The music and rhythm are also good!. I especially like the approximate rhymes: up/amuck, jolt/throat, sure of it/parapet (this last being especially nice!)!.

A few things I don't like as much:
--The punctuation of the first stanza makes it seem as if there's only one voice, but later you refer to "voiceS"!.
--The second stanza doesn't use very interesting language!. And "step" seems an oddly tame action "with a jolt!."
--In line 6, the punctuation makes it hard to tell whether you mean "dry" to refer to the hands or the throat!. If it's the hands, then it contradicts "clammy"!. If it's the throat, I feel the line has too many words for dryness/drought!.
--In line 7, "Who's" should be "Whose"!.
--I'm not sure I care for the "!!?!" at the end of line 8, although I can see you're trying to convey a combination of confusion, fear, desperation, and anger!.
--Line 12 has "there's" (there is), but it has not one but three plural subjects: ghosts, phantoms, and specters!. That grammatical mistake, even though it's colloquial, undercuts the speaker's more proper and formal English embodied in "I beg" and "I say"!. Even the ghosts (or I'd think ONE ghost) says "my good man", so everyone seems proper indeed!. Correcting the error would also probably help give you the respect of more skeptical or fastidious readers!.
--I know that seeing "me" calms the speaker down, partly because he can see no one else in the more "objective" reflection of the mirror and partly because it brings him back to "me" (even if as an object, as explained above)!. However, considering his thoughts in the last stanza, I'm still not sure why he's become so calm so fast!. I'm just not sure I buy it---the jolt with a step in line 4, the calm of line 10 with the last stanza!. They don't seem to be a paradox; instead, they seem to be an untenable, nonsensical contradiction!.

That being said, it's always fun to read your poetry!. (And thanks for taking a look at the one I've posted here so far!)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Like staying in bed an extra hour in the morning - just enjoying the full pleasure of not REALLY having to get up early!. Then the "nagging feeling" begins - "you could do this" - or "its really a good time for that"!. Your "gut" tightens and you start to have a feeling of anxiety - you can not stay in bed longer!. I wonder why!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Brings back memories (not so fond) of Grandma's farm!.!.!.
I enjoyed your little story!
Good morning!

Did you enjoy your $30 dinner!? I'm telling you, it's crazy!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Delightful -- you have such a vivid imagination and are able to transpose what you see into your words; visualization is one of your many strong points!Www@QuestionHome@Com

A parapet in the bedroom!.!.!.now that's one to ponder! Great imagery!. Hopefully you will exorcise the demons soon!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Imagination is a great thing, the more you use it the more it grows!. I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You need an illustrator!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Bats in the belfry that speak to you in loud voices!?
Your doctor is prescribing something, right!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

wowza that is amazing were do you think of that stuffWww@QuestionHome@Com

It is excellentWww@QuestionHome@Com

Very real!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.very real indeed!.!.!.!. ChillingWww@QuestionHome@Com

it reminded me of my own childhood *wipes away a tear*Www@QuestionHome@Com

greatWww@QuestionHome@Com

I didn't expect a poem since you said story!. Yeah i like it :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yep, they're measuring you now!.!.!.a little off the bottom of the strai!.!.!.!.!.uh, yep, nice poem *saying very QUIETLY!!!!*Www@QuestionHome@Com