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Question: Poem critique: flying in a hole ( i wrote this when i was 16)!?
Flying in a hole

i'm trapped
and suffocating in my own pain
my anger is seething-
and breathing through my veins
i'm so deep in this black pit
my mind is too far gone and too sick
i don't even know if i can be saved
i've dug my own grave
for my own reasons
for my own shame
so with the passing of the seasons
my hatred will remain the same
to bounce off the walls of my hell hole
and let the darkness eat a way into my soul


i can not escape
the demons of my fate
i can not with hold
the anguish in my heart, as it loses control
the days just grow more sullen to me
why won't God just let me be!?
i can only take so much more of myself
i just want to be through with myself
i feel i am ever changing
into a child who is so demanding
who needs some understanding
where can i run too!?
when i've already decided to confide in you
who am i!?
to make you decide
what is to become of me
you run in the blood i bleed
i guess i've just given up
i can't drink from this shameful cup
i've had my fill
of what life can deal
into my hands
this liquid with a taste so bland
i need to get out of this hole
i need to just let go
let it be
so my mind may rest in peace
so my heart can continue to beat
and my soul can continue to breathe
time is wasting
as i'm contemplating
on how to let myself loose
from this haggard noose
the death of a thousand years
could symbolize all of my tears
because i can never get them back
but they'll leave their mark like a scratch
a scar on my life
a gash in my eye
so no matter how hard i smile
you could see that i've been walking through the valley of death for many miles
i've tasted evil
danced with the devil
dug through my past with a shovel
tossed out the ruble
and still i can't find peace
i'd give up the blood i bleed
i can't go anywhere
until i can find some stairs
to lead me out of my own misery
to justify the hell that life can bring
i have to get out of this hole
before it swallows me wholeWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
If this were a song I'd be interested to know the beat and meter of it lol!.

You really truly have talent, based on this and your last poem!. Tis a shame one cannot be a professional poet otherwise you would probably be world-renowned!. It sounds similiar to my fav!. alice in chains song "down in a hole" but a bit different especially on the meaning!. Sad and mellowdramatic but truthful and highly creative!. I love the line "so my mind may rest in peace!.!.!. so my heart can continue to beat!.!.!. and my soul can continue to breathe" as it colors and sets a good tone for the overall meaning of the poem!. I wrote something similiar when I was about 15 or 16, just called it "a hole" and used personifications alot!. I would post it though it may seem a bit copied because it is quite similiar, just different words (one hole poem is good for now lol :P)!.

Keep writing, I love reading!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

aww i likey it:)
keep writing goood work:)
you did put a lot of words tho:) but it still good:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, this is really my kind of poem!.
It's dark with a hint of angst!.

Great!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it!. I would try to clean it up just a tad, if it were mine, like eliminating unneeded words!. I sorta like a bit more complete sentences, however, such is the beauty and difference of poetry!. You have some very unique, descriptive phrases, and I like them a lot!. I think it's good!. Inside I am wondering, do you really feel such anguish!? If you do, I hope you can find your way out of the hole!.Www@QuestionHome@Com