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Position:Home>Poetry> A poem a littlle different, Do u like it.?Question: A poem a littlle different, Do u like it!.!? "take me away"
Blood drips down crimson, showing signs of life!. Please remove the darkness and take me far away!. Through this pain tearing me within!. I've spent of all my strength, relying now on yours!. Exhausted beyond all repair, Stripped bare of all i had!. Forced to die a bit inside, bring me to my knees!. The feed me sin until , I am but a slave!. Remind me of my needs!. Remind me who I am!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I may be totally wrong, but I don't feel like this is a poem as much as it is a prayer, a plead crying out for help!. Poets and writers write what they see, hear, and feel!. But yours seems so deeply a cry for help!. And the first few lines just seem to be speaking of the Blood of Christ!. And the lines that you are forced to die a bit inside, bring you to your knees, seems like an humbling of self before God!. That is what I feel when I read it!. However, your poem is very expressive!Www@QuestionHome@Com Sounds good!. On the ninth verse, leave out the "all"!. It'll sound better with the next verse which also uses it!. Exhausted beyond repair, Stripped bare of all i [sic] had!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Excellent, brilliant, one of the best poems of the theme i have ever heard!. You write like a true legend prodigy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Are you certain of theis line!? The feed me sin until !.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I do like it, thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's really good, took me a while to understand it though lolWww@QuestionHome@Com WOW!!!! I love it!! ^_^Www@QuestionHome@Com First of all, I love the title of the poem, it reminds me of my favorite song!. =3 I put the song in the links if you wanna listen!. X3 Blood drips down crimson, showing signs of life!. Please remove the darkness and take me far away!. Through this pain tearing me within!. I've spent of all my strength, relying now on yours!. Exhausted beyond all repair, Stripped bare of all I had!. Forced to die a bit inside, bring me to my knees!. The feed me sin until , I am but a slave!. Remind me of my needs!. Remind me who I am!. Okay, you forgot to cap an "I"!. Lines four and five are if-ish!. Take me away through this pain!. If you think about it, it sounds kind of weird!.!.!.!. Maybe you could switch them a bit, like this: And take (-maybe even lead-) me through this pain Take me far away But, of course, if you do that, you'll have to change some stuff underneath of it to make the whole thing flow and make sense!. Line ten, where you forgot to cap the "I", instead of I, you could put I'd!. It sounds better to me!. =/ In Line twelve, you should say Bringing me to my knees!. And I don't know what's going on with the line after that!. I can't really figure out what you were trying to say that connected to the next line!. And the ending sounded a bit weak compared to the rest of the poem!. Like!.!.!.!.spice it up a bit! =3 That's all I have to say!. My opinion!. :] luff the poem btwWww@QuestionHome@Com |