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Question: How can I improve this one!?
How brightly sprinkles seep
Light that leaves my weep
Far behind, neath darkened sea
By the stone, I hear them speak
Their wicked plots light my sky
To take their sister, gleaming high
But Luna merely settled sits
For King of Summer, smiled remits
When the dawn breaks over sea
Her golden love, soon she'll see
But how little does she know
What her smirking sisters sow
For when the willow wakes atop
To rule the skies, sun shall drop
His heart shall be a hollowed harp
And clouds shall tear in his starkWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think you need to explain to the reader what the poem is about with more short,sharp!.sweet and snappy sentences and add in more pincushion!.Overall GREAT!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
its not bad but if you wanted to change something i would say change the rhyme scheme!. make it a little more complex and not so one dimensional!. like when you used "sea" and "see" that's good because those words don't really rhyme, but they are an example of a more advanced rhyming scheme than just the simple "top" "drop" "flop" "cop" "mop"!. does that make sense!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
pretty poem good job hope to continue the good workWww@QuestionHome@Com
I think that it's pretty great!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
great poem!.!.!.can ya tell the over all meaning!?i like itWww@QuestionHome@Com