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Question: Rough draft!. Critique my poem!.!?
I wrote this poem just now and the truth is I don't like it but I can't see what is so wrong about it!. I hate the rhyme but it was what my heart told me to write!.
You,
the ones that gave me life
are the causes of my misery
for you should love
my brother and I
equally!.
But it was he
who was always placed first!.
Since we were kids
you gave him what he pleased!.
Because he's different
I know he's not like me!.
I was always forced
to understand
that he was special
and I just normal!.
But was his abnormality
an excuse for
the things he did
and the things he said
and also the way
I was made aside!?
The years have passed
it just get's worse!.
And I have gained
invisibility!.
Now no one sees
my broken heart
or my aching body
or my cry for help!.
Because they don't care
if I'm sick or well!.
Not even my word
is worth a cent!.
I'm never right,
he's never wrong!.
You have believed
the lies that he has said!.
Living here
is like being in hell!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
this is good poetry
if you are writing to help yourself
because it will work
however, poetry, if written for others, must be tailored to have them relate to it too!.
You really had me throughout the poem!. Good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Having parents who have favorites is not fun!. I get the point right off the bat, I don't think you need to use the rest of the poem to emphasise that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its really goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
it sucks, you suck, go kill yourselfWww@QuestionHome@Com
wow!.
all i can say!.
this is BRILLIANT!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think you have a real talent for expressing yourself!. This is crucial to being a good writer!. Don;t you think, though, that this is really you getting your feelings out!? Really though, isn;t that what writing's all about!? I loved the last stanza, it's romantic, sweet and shows you will not be a victim!. But lovely as the idea may be, never count on someone else to provide your happiness, only you can do that!. Keep writing, it's not only good therapy but will make you appreciate yourself for your own special qualities!.Www@QuestionHome@Com