Tell me what you think of this..?

Question: Tell me what you think of this!.!.!?

in my deepest being i share with the night my momentary silence,
and in this shadow i long for a slow hymn of tomorrow,
that it may come qiuckly,
that it may shine heavenly!.!.!.
in my most solitary existence i can feel each heartbeat,
of every lonely soul that reaches me!.!.
slipping into the oblivion of this very stillness,
i bury my thoughts and my wishes,
then atlast, i surrender,
in his arms that i belong!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Thats very nice,do you like my version

In my deepest being we share the night!.
A momentary silence!.
A drift!.

Into the shadows with hymn of sorrow
We share the night
We share tomorrow!.

In quickly comes,and come it has
The shine
The smile
You heavenly child!.

Into the most,existence host
A solitary love
I feel!.

Our heartbeats dewell as one!.
A lonely soul
It reachs me
I know!.

A slipping of pain,oblivion gone!.
And stillness fills the air!.

My buried thoughts of love and wishs!.
Tomorrow i surrender
Into my loving arms foreverWww@QuestionHome@Com

As I say about all poetry I see posted here, its rubbish!. You people don't understand poetry!. Its not just to make words sound pretty, its art!. Its to transfer some emotion or idea that can't be said in words using tone, connotations, imagery; all the stuff your english teacher droned on about!.

Of course, if you enjoy writting keep on, its great, but you asked what we thought!.

And in your defense, it does have a fairly good idea, but I always try to apply this rule: could I write it just as articulately in two sentences!?

response to your edit: *shudder* artsy elitist sentimentalism!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Go ahead, reep the solitary!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Thoughtful and stimulating!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's stimulating keep up the good work *:0)Www@QuestionHome@Com

very NisseWww@QuestionHome@Com

it's lovely! much better than my attempts at poetry!Www@QuestionHome@Com