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Question: My poem!. i'll take ANY advice!!?
Sing
My bedroom is completely dark,
except for the intruding shaft of moonlight,
coming from the ripped curtain!.
I see the reflection of the moon in her blue eyes,
the movement of her pink lips matching the music!.
The singing of the paint chipped rocking chair!.
Every night, the same routine -
It is silent now!.
I enter a world,
a perfect world you might say
Perfect faces with luminous smiles,
happy families, laughing together!.
This isn’t real, I tell myself!.
It can’t be happening!.
The faces turn robotic with fake smiles pasted on!.
The families screaming with tears running down their cheeks
Like a mirror falling to the ground,
This perfect world breaks into a million pieces!.
My door opens!.
I’m awake and everything is fine!.
I look around!.
The sun now reflecting in her blue eyes!.
The rocking chair sits there smiling and singing to me!.
any advice!? i'm 14!. this is the 2nd poem i have ever written!. i'll take any advice!. 10 points for best!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'd advise some kind of a rhyme or rhythm pattern!. You might want to add some allusion, alliteration, etc!. Good personification "The singing of the paint chipped rocking chair!." Hope this helped and God bless! (I'm also 14)Www@QuestionHome@Com
im 14 too!!!!
well i think it was really good!. it was if the peron in ur poem was stuck in a dream of a perfect world that doesnt exist or it was shown for what it really is you know, when u see someone and think their life is so good and they look so perfect but really they are a horrible mess and everything is falling apart!? thats what it sounded like to me!.!.
it was good, and i really want to hear ur other poem!!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.XxWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's really beautiful!. I immediately got drawn in and felt like I was right there, like in a dream just watching it unfold, it is so vivid at painting a picture!. keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think its very good! maybe you could elaborate on the "world breaking into a million pieces" part before this person wakes up!.!.!.but maybe not!. i like it!.!.!.good job (-:Www@QuestionHome@Com
this is awesome!.!. you make the poem very real, and the objects in the poem seem alive!.!. great job!.!. :DWww@QuestionHome@Com