What is your opinion of thes poem? Please read. Thanks?

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Question:

A storm, I feel, is on its way
rumbling hard
with Clouds of grey
I watch from behind the window-pane
I see the world today
and I hear the storm, it's on its way!.!.!.

First, the blanket of dusk
With the smell of musk
the flowers slowly shy away
the bees and birds fly away

Darkness edging nearer,
A storm is on its way!.!.!.

Then, the wind gives a blow
a blow, not of life
It shatters the world, with panic and strife
batters at my window-pane
it cuts the air
a cutting knife
The storm is surely on its way

Flashes of light, roaring heaven
is it God!? or is it good!?
my little sister is crying, stricken
in a corner, as she remembers
the last time we had a flood

I see the world I knew
burning without a clue
what she had done, to what was this due
As all sign of love - and all sign of life
was swept away
as all that mattered crept away
Beware my little sister
The storm is on its way!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I think this is a very nice poem, even though it is a bit long it is still a good read!. Perhaps a little editing to remove some of the excess wording, and repeat words, if you want, but not necessary!. Try reading aloud, or taping as you read and then playing it back to catch any little nuances that will help you get just the right feeling and words to convey your message!. It is good!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think that it sounds pretty good!. I'm just not to sure about that 2nd stanza, something about it just doesn't seem to fit!. After reading it a couple of times I've come up with my own little version for the 2nd stanza:

First, the blanket of dusk washes over the world outside
The flowers slowly shy away, as if to hide
The birds and bees have gone
Awaiting the promise of a new dawn!.

But that's just my opinion!. All in all, it sounds pretty good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com