Poem: does it need work?

Question: Poem: does it need work!?

Nothing
is running through her veins
track marks
on her arms
advertise the shame
there’s a void
in her life
that love will just not heal
there’s a void
in her life
that drugs just can not fill
always pacified
in her own way
crucified
and she prays
in ways
goodbye to addiction
goodbye to denial
hello to redemption
hello to a smile
worn sores
around her nose
puncture wounds
that she hides
between her toes
live or die
smile or cry
she lives between her lies
her eyes so black
her skin so pale
she’s afraid her soul’s for sale
her fictions so real
the burns
bruises
bloodWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

This is a very good poem, very good imagery, good subject matter, I could see it being read in an open forum with good results!. I have one suggestion if I may!? The phrase "there's a void" is repeated twice in close proximity, I would suggest that one is changed!. It is distracting and interrupts the flow, because in reading the person thinks they have started reading the same sentence over!. Just a suggestion, no offense meant!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

excellent!!!bravo!!!nice poem!. i can feel the emotion and desire to break free from the lies she's in between!. i see the scars bruises and tears with the longing to feel the warmth of the sun!. Healing more than love can bring!. Filling that more mistakes cant do!. there just alot like deciding to go on after feeling so awfully depressed!. nice poem!. deep!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow! That is so good!. I can see and feel her pain!. Good job!. Gee I can't imagine anyone going through this, though I am sure there are many that do!. Sounds like some redemption in there!. Keep up the good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

punctuation portrays half of the poem, i read it how i want to not how you want me too!.

if you restructure and add commas and periods itll be more firm !.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good poem but I would restructure it!. Put it in a different format so it reads the same but your lines are created differently!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i agree totaly good poem do i hear an excellence anyone!? lol i think youll be fine you already have explained it well enough and i totaly like it!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow!.!.!. really amazing work!. are you sure you aren't a professional!?!?!? this is astonishingly good!. great use of imagery and detail!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

good poem, you can see her shooting up, that is when it gets really really badWww@QuestionHome@Com

Looks good on the ending try (the burns the bruises the blood her fictions so real)!. kinda flip it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow that's deep !!! You should keep all your energy in to poems!. that's clever don't wast a great mind!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

An honest rendering of a tough subject that is penned well!. My complimentsWww@QuestionHome@Com

wow,this is a great poem:)
good job!!Www@QuestionHome@Com