Would you comment on this one?

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Question:

Thanks to neonman for pointng out a few mistakes, I have changed it and wanted to repost to get a few more comments!.

Untitled

Through a thickened fog I see,
Bent at waist the cherry tree!.
Her honeyed heart is gushing,
Her veins, a waning rushing!.
Comes a breeze upon her leaves--
A call is heard and far she sees,
By golden fields, a mellowed light,
Her beacon now a dimming sight!.
To guide the misty blanket, falls--
Feels a white to ease her soul!.
Still a willow sheds a tear,
For the icy streams are here!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

NeonMan has guided you well (how could he not, he is so bright!), but lines 3 and four are still sticking with me!. Am I the only one!? If so, utterly ignore my comments!.

I do quite like this piece, and you have fine-tuned it well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The changes work!. Well done!. Now I will need to ponder!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

A lovely picture painted, KudosWww@QuestionHome@Com

Ah, this I like!. Good imagery!Www@QuestionHome@Com