Here is a light poem, do you like it?

Question: Here is a light poem, do you like it!?

Ode to a Pen

Life of abuse I had lead
Darkest secrets I have read
Felt the touch of many dead

Now I lift for one last time
I see my end will be a rhyme
To be replaced with a dime

Greet the white before I go
Far away to Chinese shore
In the bin, now laying lowWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

The last word on the first line should be spelt 'led' as you have it it would be pronounced - leed, which makes you want to pronounce the word 'read' as 'reed' and then 'dead' doesn't match!. A small thing, but it does make all the difference!.
I don't understand the 'dime' reference - perhaps its just me!.
Does 'shore' rhyme with 'go' and 'low'!?

Got the picky picky bit over with!.

I like this - the idea and your choice of words!.
Could you try again, using a different structure!?

I have led a life of neglect and abuse
Dark secrets have been revealed to me
And twisted words used to amuse!.

I am lifted up one last time, you see
And I find my end is to be a rhyme
With glorious words of infinite majesty!?

Oh well, I must greet the white again
To sail away to China's distant shore
Before, once more in my bin I'm lain!.

Just amusing myself!. Good writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

An Ode can have any rhyme pattern you choose, but it's usually a lyric, which means the lines sing right along!. Your poem is "okay" in that the lines rhyme, but you have to ask yourself "do they rhyme naturally" and "do they flow into one another like they would in a song!?" I think you'll say "no"!. Your poem has promise, but I'd suggest you tinker with it a little before considering it "finished"!.

!.!.!.keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's really good, deep and dark, makes me want to start writing poetry again, thanks!.Www@QuestionHome@Com