Would you help make this better?

Question: Would you help make this better!?

Keyhole

I am locked away
The windows bared and blocked
I hear the gentle breeze outside
it ever more tries to hide
the sound of howling hounds
I am locked away!?
aren’t I!?
The devil-dogs are growing near
but I am safe within my sphere
I am hid away
safe until the end of days
I am sound and safe
I am locked away…
The world will find a death its own
I can stay
in my walled home
and if they ever try to pry me
from my refuge
I will die
I will die outside!
The world is such a scary place
I think I will stay
locked away
for should I dare to run their race
I would forever be misplaced
from comfort and security
I can’t believe you’d ask this of me
for I wish to ever stay
in my doll-house
all locked away

Do you ever feel this way…!.!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Oh yes, I do feel this way, frequently!. Your words have struck a chord deep within me!. The world is, indeed, a very frightening place and one of my daily battles is to face it!. This is powerful, it really is!. You have a way of writing the most gut wrenching emotions with such tenderness and understanding!. I love it from the great title to the very telling last two lines!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Every day, all the time, but the dogs only howl, step outside and whisper to them, find that they are entrancing, dancing, flinging their arms wide, desperate for acceptance as you are, and caged in their own way!. Only, remember, they do bite, mercilessly and without healing!. This is a beautiful poem, with stunning assonance and alliteration!. Bravo!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I have felt like this at one time!. Then i broke through the door of my home and never looked back!. Running away was the best decision I have ever made but I would not recommend it for the faint of heart!.

Your poem is very well written!. There is always room for bettering something, such is the road of life and laughter!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The defenses we erect to keep ourselves safe often become the prisons which confine us!. That is a catch-22!. This poem is very unsettling!.

L2- Do you want the windows "bared" or barred!?
L8- I remember from the days of my mis-spent youth a goodie from Drake's Bakery!. It was a devil's food caked shaped like a frankfurter roll and filled with a white cream!. It was called a "Devil Dog!." Somehow, I think this is not the image you wanted to evoke!. And if you did, then your even crazier than I am!.

Anyway, unsettling yes, but very well written!.

****Www@QuestionHome@Com

On the contrary, I'm sorry I was born in the dawn of space travel!. I would gladly take a real, physical voyage into space if it were possible!. I am not claustrophobic; being locked in an elevator would never scare me, but to deliberately stay in "my walled home," would be a prison of my own making!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I am currently confined to my house (not my own choice) because of physical limitations - and boy, do I wish my freedom back - to go out into the world unafraid!. I think the longer you stay "inside" - the more the resistance grows to leave the "womb" and to venture out again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I have heard a lot of people say that this is mostly a female feeling!.!.!. though I do not believe that is true anymore!.!.!. i think that females are more able to show how they feel trapped where men are never willing to admit that, they too, are locked away inside!.!.!. This is an excellent description of a very real and well-related emotion!.!.!. I thank you for sharing it!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is a great poem and very telling, but I don't think I've ever felt this way!. I can't stand to be cooped up!. I need to be a part of the world!. I'm curious and I need to explore and be around people!. I have to get out of the house at least once a day or I go stir crazy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I can't say I do, I am the one who has to try new things, new places!. I go where the winds blow me!. The only thing I fear is being cooped up and helpless, and if I have my way, it'll never happen!. BTW, does anyone need a cctv magnifier!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

I feel this way all the time

I don't think I can help make this better!.!.!.it sounds great to me! One I, and I'm sure a lot of other people, can definately relate to!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is a good poem!. I have a few suggestions if I may!?
1!. I would omit: I am locked away!?
aren’t I!? It is unnecessary, and interrupts the thought of the devil-dogs!.
2!. Omit the "and" and "ever" from line 17
3!. Omit: from comfort and security
I can’t believe you’d ask this of me : it interrupts the flow of the piece

Sorry, these are just suggestions, and if not to your liking, no offense meant!. Sometimes it helps to read your poem aloud or record while you read then play it back to catch all the little nuances that could be tweaked a bit to improve it!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com