Position:Home>Poetry> Could you help me improve this deleted poem?
Question: Could you help me improve this deleted poem!?
Unheeded
Tiny hearts are bleeding
faster then the healing hands can work
All the little ones
around us
Screaming
from their beds
of rest
are jerked
Can no one
Lend a hand of understanding!?
Care!?
Commitment!?
to lifting their low spirit
out of the deepest darkened halls
where they lay
Weeping
Their mothers
fathers
beating
as hard as their small hearts
Rage festers
deep seeded
Raping!
Upon their minds
the Devil’s rapping
Tapping
Seeking
to bring them lower than they are
and ears are turned
Deafened
to their pain filled cries of woe
where they end up
on the streets
or in darker places
no one knows
A broken Childs life
is never mended from these wounds
They said it was chatting but it was REALLY me trying to show people a thing that needs to stop… will you be a rebel and make your voice known in this issue!?
I want to know how this makes you feel!. Does it bring anything to your attention!? Do you understand where it is coming from!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
some years ago I worked In a Hospital as a Nursing Assistant
on the Pediatric Ward!. One day I got to work at 3:00 and I heard a little girl whimpering!. I asked my Charge Nurse ,"What was she admitted with"!? She said,"She`s three
years old and she was raped by her twelve year old Forster
brother"!.She was ripped open from her front to her back!. She had more stitches then you could count!. So I went In her room and sat on her bed and read her a story until she feel asleep!.
She had such a tiny body I couldn`t imagine what any boy
would find interesting with it!. He split her open like you would filet a fish!. I decided I wasn`t going to leave her alone for the rest of the night until my shift was over at eleven!.Well that was a good call on my part because her mom snuck up the back stairs and was going to abduct her!. She yelled at me and grabbed me but I wouldn`t let her go!. Security was called and so were the police!. They did a one to one on her room with security!. I fought for this young girl that I didn`t even know!. But somebody had to do It!. I`m very proud of myself!. I probably saved her life!.I now work In a Nursing Home!. These people
need to also be watched!. There Is a lot of abuse In there to!.
My mom lived their for nine years and I just wanted to make sure she was getting to right medical and physical care!. She
recently passed awayJan!. 30th!. I made sure she got the best care before she died!. Every family member needs to take an interest in their parents or childs care!. Ask a lot of questions!.
Never let them know when you are going to show up!. Do the
smell test!. A home should not smell of pee or poo!. If It does then they are not cleaning them enough!. Make sure they are getting occupational and physical therapy!. We should always take care of our young and the eldery!. We are all thay have!.
Anytime I see abuse I would have no problem jumping In and
defending the abused!. Weather It`s an eldery person a child or an animal!. That Is my mission In life!.This Is why I go after the trolls on these sites!. They are useless pieces of crap!. I have already gotten two accounts deleted!. And I`m looking
for more!. I used to work under cover for a living and I will do It now as a hobby!. So watch out how you answer people!. Nice
Is the way to go!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
[First some advice to our friendly correspondent: the implement designed for sweeping can be surgically removed from the orifice!.]
I had many images of children suffering from the consequence of wars, human greed, or natural disasters!. I thought of the children of Romania deprived of any love or concern!. I thought of children sold into prostitution in Mexico, India, and Thailand!. I thought of children from families so abusive that they felt safer living on the streets of our cities!. I thought about kids starving to death in countries at war!. I thought about the "lost boys" of the Mormon fundamentalists!. I thought about my own family and was grateful that I was protected, and I was valued and loved by one of my parents and all of my grandparents!. This is a very sad poem, and a powerful one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very compelling and moving!. My heart is pounding in my chest!. Yes, please, speak out (and be Unafraid) and perhaps thus save a child from the depths of despair!. The wounds leave scars,this is so true, and it helps to know that someone really cares and will not shy away from those scars!. I truly appreciate your courage, and empathy!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Those that delete this kind of work should be shot with a fictitious quill and bow!. I think this is a brilliant display of human care!. To see that someone takes notice to the pain around her, I am amazed there are those like you still out there!.
P!.S!. can I ask what is up with the name!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
They should not have deleted this wonderful poem!.!.!. the answers you got will never be retrieved again!.!.!.
I cannot remember what all I said but thank you for sharing this!.!.!. it has opened my eyes a little wider!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It was probably deleted because of someone with the mentality of friendlystranger who doesn't seem very friendly!. It's easy to see why it has so few best answers!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Why would they want to mess with such a great and honest poem !.I seen it yesterday as did others who said we were glad you wrote this for the forgotten ones!.!.I give you all my stars ' if i could !.!.great job Siren!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
No, I don't think it needs it!. The message is clear and the emotion is felt!.!.!. is that not what poetry is!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I read the first line and thought, "Good God, she's writing about abortion!."
That's as far as I got!. Poetry is not propaganda, propaganda is not poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com