Position:Home>Poetry> I'm just kicking this one around, any suggestions to make it better?
Question: I'm just kicking this one around, any suggestions to make it better!?
The Provider
Let me hold your burden for you
Unflex your arms
Make them smooth
and feminine again
Let me provide you grace
Let me hold your burden for you,
Let me think
I’m providing
you grace,
shouldering for you
the world itself
This weight
This weight you hold above your head:
In belief, you have passed it to me
and I am your man,
your Atlas
But in reality
you are the great one,
for you provide
You are the provider
I am merely the man
The man who holds your burden for you,
and believes
he provides you grace!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
"But in reality" sounds clunky and stale!. Otherwise, it's perfect!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
LIKE IT - A man who is a gentleman and is able to see the benefit in a woman - other than the obvious!. He is willing to do the "hard work" and letting the woman continue on with a lighter burden - no longer carrying the physical load - but freeing her for her role as "spiritual and emotional and intellectual ;-) provider!. Doing all this with her feminine grace free from bondage!. And the gentleman carries the load!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
"Behind any great man there is a good woman"
You said it nicely,
"I wanted to be your rock, and you were mine!."
is how my husband said it, before he left this earth!.
Yet, it takes two to tango!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Don't kick it around anymore!. It is wonderful!. Straight from the heart with obvious deliberation!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's beautiful, Alobar!. Very sweet and loving!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is perfect as is!. I enjoyed it and see no reason to change it at all!. Good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
No need to fix this, it speaks heavy volumes!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This rings way too clearly for me!. I love it!. I hate it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I can't think of anything!.
It's quite good!.
Nice work:)Www@QuestionHome@Com