Last for the nite. A final edit, check it out all.?

Question: Last for the nite!. A final edit, check it out all!.!?

"cerulean"

Come to me
silently,
all dressed in
black!.
In your perfect
green eyes,
obscure obsession!.
Stroking my hair,
with pale hands,
Kissing my neck,
with ice cold lips!.
You only appear
on the new moon!.
Cerulean face,
brightened by flame,
Whisper the words,
I need to hear
Our souls are now
joined together, forever!.
!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Fantastic work!. I have to admit, it's very hard for me not like something entitled "Cerulean"!. Oh!.!.!.the way it flows on the tongue is simply orgasmic!. He he he! Just one slight detail which I am nit-picking!.!.!.I'm not so enthusiastic about the ending!. It's too flat, too expected, too "un-cerulean" (Ha ha ha, that is such a bad coined word)!. If you could find a way to make the ending more dramatic or climactic then this poem could be even more brilliant!.

How about playing with the parallelism of night embracing you with slumber - that's actually one of the images I interpreted from your poem!. Whatever the case, choose an ending that leaves a lingering aftertaste long after the poem has been read!.

"Tw'as the marriage of the North and South
that gathered all but invited none!.
The silent ditty was barely heard
but for trees that danced and stones that sang!."Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like that peom much more than you poem about 'Wh***s' that was much better for me :) congrats :DWww@QuestionHome@Com

thats really good!. meaningful!.

congrads!.

:DWww@QuestionHome@Com

It is a good poem!. Reads well, never stop writing Steve!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

thats beautiful Steve!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love it!
It's really soulfulWww@QuestionHome@Com

thats really good! ican picture it in my head when i read it, thats good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com