A poem to analyze. Is it ok.?

Question: A poem to analyze!. Is it ok!.!?

" i worship thee"

A glowing candles fire,
warm and cold eternally!.
Our minds forever linked,
souls locked in a cage!.

My prophetess of doom,
casting my topaz zodiac!.
Lights of Saggitarius,
blackness fills my eyes!.

I grant to her my worship,
summoning demons of pure hate!.
Spending time between the stars,
where once we both belonged!.

My entire priceless kingdom,
I've lain before her feet!.
Linked together, birth through death,
and as one!.!.!.we both decay!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I'd take another look at the title!.!.!.perhaps just "worship"!.!.!.the "thee" is a bit over the top and the lower case "i" is distracting!.

The poem's not bad!.!.!.Topaz straddles Scorpio and Saggitarius, so I guess that's okay!. The line I think I find out of place is "demons of pure hate"!.!.!.why!? The rest of the poem speaks of devotion, worship, etc!., so why insert "hate"!.!.!.if you're doing it just to make it darker, don't, it is counter productive in this poem!.!.!.the end is dark enough and omitting the hate makes the ending all the more powerful!.

!.!.!.good first draft!.!.!.keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com

aww!! Thats definantly another beautifully depressing poem!! Two thumbs up for you sir!! I love it!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Ok!.!.!.!.after all that I'll just say I like it!. ThanksWww@QuestionHome@Com

''BLACKNESS FILLS MY EYES'' Love it!. Still ok to me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com