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Question: Is this Poem alright for an on-the-spot!?
I wrote it in church!.!.!. (HeHeHe)
“god” Thorn
Hollow houses, bound in fear of fallen rules
Rulers of a pristine fantasy, caked with lies
Laying down, giving up, in this I secede
Success is won, then lost again, revealing its true worth
Worthy watcher, I stand back
Backwards glances toward my silent disapproval
Displaying all their glory for not
Nothing, stark and cold, hallow houses
Housing hate for the only outsider
Outstretched hands drawn away in judging stares
Stars align, gone unseen by ’holy’ men
Mention of Archaic name, we are turned away
-a blotch on their Linen sheets
-a thorn in the side of “god”___
Just playing around with different styles… what do you think of it!? How do I make it better, maybe not this one in particular but the style!?…Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Well you have surpassed yourself!. What a powerful message you have here!. In fact, I am speechless!.
What a wonderful poem, constructed well, producing a clear picture of your predicament - to be amongst others, but to be so apart!. The style suits the subject - it is rhymical - and I particularly like your invention (!?)
Transfering the end line on to the next line!.!.!.!.how the heck did you sustain that!? And you just casually throwing this one in!
Terrific - well done!.
(Thanks Amy, I couldn't understand the 'not' bit)Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is stunning in its concept and form!. It makes me think, feel and know!.!.!.!.There are some amazing lines here-
"Backwards glances toward my silent disapproval
Displaying all their glory for naught(!?)
Nothing , stark and cold, hallow houses"
The whole poem is very powerful and provaocative!. I think it is remarkable, on the spot or otherwise!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Goddess bless you and keep you!. This is beautiful, and yes, unfortunately, you and I make a habit of sticking thorns into the sides of other's concepts of god!. *sigh* I wouldn't mind it so much but for the hypocrisy that you so brilliantly describe in this poem!. Some truth is relative!. Some truth is not!. Truth, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, until you see something and all say "that is beautiful!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
For an on-the-spot, yes, it is very good!.!.!. in fact it is great elsewhise as well!. The usage of the first and the last words being similar to each other binds it together like the flow of connecting paragraphs in a novel!.!.!. This seems to me to be very much your rant against the "church" and holy men therein!.!.!. very moving and thoughtful, Rouxe, I would give you a high rating if it were possible here!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This, to me, is like the Acrostics!.!.!. marvellous if you can maintain them!.!.!. and you have! The confinement does not var your style, nay, it highly improves it!.!.!. I am spellbound on this one!.!.!.
Don't worry, I think I get the nought part!.!.!. OH, you used the wrong word!.!.!. I see!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
While I don't agree with your poem, I see what people are saying that it is well written!. I'm sorry you feel that way--or that poeple have made you feel that way!. Not all Christians are like this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com