Just made this one about questioning god. Any tips on how to improve it. its onl

Position:Home>Poetry> Just made this one about questioning god. Any tips on how to improve it. its onl

Question:

As i lay alone in bed is god there i thought in my head,
How can he be when there is so much trouble,
don't stop there don't bust my thinking bubble!.
As i lay thoughts surround my head i fall into a sleep o dam am i dead!?!?
Away i float into the clouds
To a gate where a man stands proud!.

Hello i say to this man in white,
He replies with a grin how can i help you this cold night!.
I ask who are you and where am i!?
But all i got was a warm goodbye!.

Then i woke up
silents,
I thought to my self god cant stop violence!.
There are so many question's i would like to ask,
The decision is up to you to grasp!.

(Dont want it to be to indepth as im not really that religious)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Don't hide from anything or restrain anything, even if you're not religious!. That is no reason to deny your poetry the full force of emotion and reasoning!. Go deeper!. don't just go there and back!.!.!. dig a little!. then, i'm sure, it would be great!. whether you are religious or not, you have a spiritual side to delve into, to pull from!. Go for it, and you will be a much richer poet!.

my little response:

As I lay there, alone in bed, "Is there a God" to myself I said!.
There's these wars, this suffering, this fear, and oh,
I am cold!. I am alone in the night!.
As I lay tears roll down my cheeks!. Alone in the night!.
I'd rather be dead!.
I float away on the clouds of sleep,
To the side of a man, so humble, so sweet!.

Who are you!? I ask!.
I've been waiting, he replies!. Please, sit down!.
I ask, who are you, and where am I!?
He said to me, I'm your maker, your savior, your friend!.
I'd like to talk more, but, well!.!.!. you're in bed!.
Go on back now, we'll continue our talk!.!.!.
And then, if you'd like, we'll take a walk!.

Then I woke up,
basking in the lingering warmth of his smile!.!.!.
So fresh and so kind, so real and so loving,
I thought to myself, God doesn't stop the violence!.
It's not his job!. But God fills these holes,
I needn't have fear!.
I'm not alone,
because God
is right here!.

Isaiah 66:13 "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you!."Www@QuestionHome@Com