Death:
Like finding a needle in a haystack
Like cutting yourself open
Like a garden with no flowers
Like waiting for rain in a desert
Like the world stops turning
Like dreaming with false hopesWww@QuestionHome@Com
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Position:Home>Poetry> Poem? What do you think?Question: Poem!? What do you think!? Death:
Like finding a needle in a haystack Like cutting yourself open Like a garden with no flowers Like waiting for rain in a desert Like the world stops turning Like dreaming with false hopesWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Your simile of death is fantastic! Even the cliche line "Finding a needle in a haystack" works with this poem -- it is strong, emo, and really hits!. Just a thought: How about the first line "Like finding hay in a stack of needles!." may not work at all, but the twist of words might really hit!. Play with it!.!. Line two -- since emo and cutters are closely united (not all emo are cutters and not all cutters are emo), but creating pain in the body to overcome pain in the heart; this is powerful!. Normally, I would not care for a poem with each line beginning with "Like," but in this case you are describing what death is like!. I do like the rocks falling suggestion, It would fit in well as an addition to the poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com i like it all except the 2nd line, i like the idea, but it doesn't fit with the rest of the poem!. good thoughWww@QuestionHome@Com I think you should add a better ending!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's ok!. Slightly short, but pretty good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Very good i liked it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |