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Question: How do I improve the start of my siries!?
Please comment!.!.!.
--Sin Seeker_
*Part I ~
Shaking off the dust
of a well worn, traveled road
Sitting down to supper
to be rid the heavy load
I watched a father teaching
from travels he had passed
and passed on to his younger ones
the lessons meant to last
A mother sitting true,
her face in gentle calm
Ever, so ever carful
in holding back the qualm
And just a little sparkle
shimmered in her eye
each and every time
his glance would pass her by
A husband and his mate
their little children safe
By the time the darkness reached them
it would be too late-
Eva is to blame for the Serial Poems…Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I have to know what the darkness is!.!.!.of course you should continue with this! This is a wonderful beginning, well written and suspense building!. Why is the mother "Ever, so ever careful"!? Who is the "I" that "watched a father teaching"!? And the title is mysterious as well, what does it mean!? Please do go on with the series!. I will await the next part anxiously!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well, you could start improving by spelling "series" correctly, but you know that that will always be my especial peeve!. Yes, I would like to see where you are going with this!. You have a lot of great imagry and a subtle ominous note that has me slightly hooked!. As for being blamed!.!.!.not quite sure I like that!. Are fourteen poem epics going to become the norm!? I think most prefer the acrostic craze!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I hope you do continue the SERIES!. I feel another epic is coming to this theater soon!. If you have to travel by automobile, be CAREFUL not to have a CARFUL of poets with you!. I thought that I was the only one who was low enough to singularize qualms for the sake of a cheaply gotten rhyme!. Kudos to you! (well, maybe only one kudo)
[I think I'll write my own cereal poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like the vivid description of the people the traveler sees!.But I think that you should countine on to say where and why he!?she is travelling!. Keep up the great work:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I loved your poem Especially!.''A MOTHER SITTING TRUE,
HER FACE IN GENTLE CALM'' That was beautiful!. My
mother and a friends mother just passed away this year!. It
made me think of them!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com