This poem is for beating so closely. i can hear your heart my dear. How is this

Question: This poem is for beating so closely!. i can hear your heart my dear!. How is this one for you!.!?

"apathy'

The sky is burning down,
Fog lays down it's gossamer wings!.
On craggy
rocky, cranky soil!.
Wooden grief,
complains in silence!.
Life cold as a shudder,
Acrid taste of life i seek,
The path i chose,
I lost my breath
Sorrow made by moonlight,
Searching for my dream!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I think it is a short, soul searching poem, that brings to mind someone who has only tasted the bitterness of life, and not much of the sweet!. But continues to search, unwilling to give up!.
If I may make a suggestion!? How about; "Fog (spreads) it's gossamer wings!? or leave it if you wish, just a suggestion, it is your work!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Here's some edits and where you should make your scan lines, with things that stand out, but shouldn't, in BOLD!. My comments are in parentheses:

The sky is burning DOWN!.
Fog lays DOWN its gossamer wings, (don't use DOWN again, use a different phrase -- "lowers"!?)
On craggy, rocky, cranky soil!.
Wooden grief
complains in silence!. ("Complains" is a weak word!.)
Life cold as a shudder, (Very good!)
Acrid taste of life i seek, (also very good! Sensory image)
The path i chose,
I lost my breath
Sorrow made by moonlight,
Searching for my dream!.!. (Not sure how these last four lines fit syntactically -- where are the phrases!? Clarify)

Nice poem!. Hope this helps!Www@QuestionHome@Com

it really is beautiful but then if you can be beautifully broken then you can create beauty from within about things that deserve attention for the beaty you describe

i hope that makes senseWww@QuestionHome@Com

Simply wonderful!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love the verse''LIFE COLD AS A SHUTTER'' I would like
to write like this but I`m just an OK poet!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wonderful poem!.!.!.expressing the feelings into words!.!.!.!.good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

god thats beautiful Steve!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it reads well!.Www@QuestionHome@Com