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Question: Read, and give me HARSH critique, plz!.!?
If you leave me alone, long enough to just see,
You'd know why I am, and you'd know what I mean!.
When I say that I think, just so too much for me,
To the point where I just drop things and act differently!.
But that's just in a crowd, if the scene is too loud,
And I'm tied to expectations, to keep my parents both proud,
So they'd get off my back, cut me off some slack!.
That's when I re-evaluate, think 'What do I lack!?'
That's when I'd pick up my pen, and just scribble away!.
Let my mind loose, to freely wander, ever-y way!.
It's the same cycle, think, write, ever-y day!.
And let myself know that I have just too much I don't say!.
Now unfortunately, you won't witness this fit!.
Cause like I just wrote, I'd be alone in this s h i t!.
And I won't care to share my best, not even a bit!.
I'll hide away earthquake, and just show a hit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Bridge to the chorus: Your Opening line:
If you leave me alone, long enough to just see,
You'd know why I am, and you'd know what I mean!.
When I say that I think, just so too much for me,
To the point where I just drop things and act differently!.
Next verse!?!?!?
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poems don't have to rhyme!. they are much more powerful when they don't!. i liked your poem, but i think it needs some work!. the part where you curse was not needed, and should be taken out of the poem!. cursing is just barbaric in a poem!. filthy to be used in such passion and beauty!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well, the curse word just ruined the poem for me!. I liked it until then!. I really don't see why we need to curse!. It doesn't make us look great!. Sorry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Interesting!. I'll give you that!. Very original!. :*)Www@QuestionHome@Com