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Question: No Clue what this is!. How can I make it better!?
WHY THE REASON
Time will pass, lingering along the way,
celebrating the poet's fallen song!.
Hope will cling to our hearts, having her say,
in this world where love and life go so wrong!.
Asking for a moment to stop and breathe,
to sing the requiem for fading light,
and let our bitter darkness take its leave,
so we can dance into and with the night!.
Do we exist solely on borrowed time,
for hearts to repeatedly mend and break!?
Does life have a reason, out of this rhyme!?
Can the gods be moved, or must the earth shake!.
We think we're given only what Fate brings,
but I'll rebel and raise my voice!.!.!.and sing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It looks to me that you have written your self a sonnet, and it is written beautifully!. I take my hat off to you m'lady!. Wonderful use of the ellipses in the final line!. Beautiful work, wonderful body I knew you were a sonneteer all along not just a mear story teller!. Good Job! I would only do some miner changes to the last two lines thus;
We think we're given what fate does bring,
Yet I'll rebel and raise my voice!.!.!.and sing!.
Just to ensure the final two lines rhyme perfectly my dear!. Good job none the less!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
A terza rima!?
No need to improve, it tells the story well!.
Why do we live!?
That is my suggestion for the title!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Fascinating poem!. "Does life have a reason!?" My belief is that we give reason to life; life does not have an existential reason!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I am beginning to think your main reason for being is to bring pleasure to so many of us who write and read for pleasure!. Believe me when I say you give me untold reading pleasures!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Dear Clueless: Stop, savor and enjoy the applause!. Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's perfect as is!.!.!.I will rebel along with youWww@QuestionHome@Com
I have a clue!. It is a lark!. A beautiful one!. TDWww@QuestionHome@Com
The subject is the purpose of life!. I tend to be happier when the subject matter is somewhat more limited!. Toward that end, turnips, flowers, and bladder control are better candidates!.
At any rate I consulted with the Board of Directors, Department of Movers and Shakers!. They told me that the only gods capable of being moved are now retired or on permanent disability!. As far as the Earth shaking, they said that it was not conducive to writing poems of more than three lines!.
All that aside, I am impressed with how well you do with highly structured forms!. There seems to be no loss of that easy flow of yours!.
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