Position:Home>Poetry> Shorter one... what does it say to you?
Question: Shorter one!.!.!. what does it say to you!?
by LB
Unnamed Fantacy
You are not my first
Will not be my last
Cannot find a love to last a lifetime
No Timeless romance
No enduring words to stay forever
I am not your first
And I will not endure till the end
Don’t tell me you love me
Lest you fall away
Leaving me with your dying words
Burnt on my mind
In my ears they would ring
If only you would tell me
Have you not heard
No love is an ever after
They all end
And so would we
If we ever dared begin
Risk nothing
Never hope for something
It is not for certain
But these are the words
Keeping us from our
Hope
We will always have
Regret
Ever after
Should we not dare to try
This fantasyWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Somehow!.!.!.and I do not know why, I feel that this is a message to me, for territory unexplored!. All I am saying is!.!.!.I am willing to delve deeper if you are!. I've already put part of my heart in your hands!.!.!.are you willing to take the rest!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is some of your older work!.!.!. you have gotten much better!.!.!. I remember Vael giving you flack for this one!.!.!. she told you it was bitter and depressing!.!.!. though she doesn't have to worry about worldly troubles anymore, i think she was wrong, to some degree!.!.!. this is not the views that the writer has!.!.!. it is a point you are trying to make about risking everything that could turn into a mistake!.!.!. but if you do not dare to jump then you will never know!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The belief of a "soul mate" makes us do strange and wonderful things!. Love - dispair - pain - and the search resumes again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow very powerful and moving!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Look at the title (sp)
Right, got that out of the way!.
I am impressed with this - it has a very mature slant on love - cynical perhaps or realistic!?
Love changes!.!. It doesn't last as it begins - passionate, and all consuming, it mellows into friendship, caring, sharing, and a quietness which sustains you into old age (if you are lucky, like me)!.
Technical points - As somewhat of a traditionalist, I would have prefered some punctuation - simple commas and full stops as guides for the reader!.
also the line 'In my ears they would ring' has echoes of a pet hate of mine 'In my ears they did ring' - I know you haven't used that but you get pretty close to it!. Any chance of just that line having a bit of a tinkering, pretty please!?Www@QuestionHome@Com