Position:Home>Poetry> I used the edits from you guys yesterday, I think this is my final attempt. Did
Question: I used the edits from you guys yesterday, I think this is my final attempt!. Did it turn out any good!?
Please be honest!. This is my first poem and would love to be able to show it off to my family!.!.!.is it worth showing or should I put my pen down!?
The Child Within
I sit upon this windy shore!.
amid the salty air!.
My senses explore,
with a venturing mind,
my heart, it beats to the rhythm!.
Distant waves gracefully dance,
elegantly and melodically so!.
Moody waters confront ill fate,
crashing rocks of a million years!.
Intoxifying is the beauty,
while emotions settle in!.
Regretful tears, enchanting laughter,
time faded-echoes of my youth!.
In wonderment, I gaze in awe,
how amazing it is to me,
born so gently and tenderly blessed
upon this gracious coast!.
My fingers trace my fresh clear tears
through pure and grainy sand!.
An inner voice begins to speak,
startling yet eerily calm!.
"Please don't cry in thoughts of me,
I've not gone as far as you think!."
And with an all too familiar laugh,
the voice disappears once again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Overall, I like!. Critiques to ponder
S1L4 Is your senses exploring your heart!? how about "while!.!.!.my heart beats to rhyme"
S2L4 do you need "of"
S5L2&3 need some type of transition!. Two completely different thoughts as it stands now
S6L4 do you need "once" could do: the voice disappears!.!.!.again!.
A very nice poem!. My complimentsWww@QuestionHome@Com
Yes,it is a wonderful poem,much better than my first one!.My first one was about feet,so,oviously,it sucked!.But go ahead and show it off!.You should be proud of what you have written!.also,you should put it up on poetry!.com!.You have to sign up,but you will get things in the mail for book offers,where they ask to put your poem into a book and ask you if you want a copy!.Flaunt your stuff!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Go ahead and show it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com